She's menstruating? Shh......
A really hilarious post on Kotex from
Skin Talk. Check out some of the other discussions and articles from their website, which touch on various topics you don't exactly discuss with your parents over dinner.
A Kotex Rant
Last night I saw a commercial about Kotex pads with new 'whisper-quiet' wrappers. Apparently not only is menstruation a dirty little event to be hidden from boys, it's also so filthy and embarrassing that the crinkle of a pad-wrapper in a public restroom is a shame to be avoided at all costs.
I thought I'd seen everything when I saw the Tampax commercial about the leaky boat plugged with a tampon by a quick-thinking girl in white pants. (Remember that one?) What is with you people? For God's sake, it's only menstruation! It's not like we leak hydrochloric acid every month!
Check out Kotex.com's menstruation FAQ page. It starts out bad ("Mother Nature has a really twisted sense of humor. 9 times out of ten, she'll make your period fall on a weekend.") and gets even worse (the first 'question' is, "What's your most embarrassing period story?") Thanks a lot, Kotex. That's really helpful and supportive.
The ad copy for the 'whisper-quiet wrappers' is equally embarrassing.
Shhh...
Enjoy quiet time. With improved KOTEX® Ultra Thin with Wings. Now with a whisper-quiet, clothlike pouch — the quietest pouch you can get! Less crinkling. Less crackling. Less embarrassing! Plus, they now have more than 10% bigger wings. Now that's what you call quiet comfort. Ahh ...
Human women are the only mammals on earth that have the menstrual cycle. Other mammals are locked onto the estrus cycle, which means they only get freaky when there's a chance of pregnancy. Human woman can have sex for non-procreative reasons (which include social bonding, cheering up, and my personal favorite, breakup sex.) Dolphins, chimpanzees and bonobos have nonprocreative sex too, but they don't have the menstrual cycle.
When did menstruation become so frightening? Feminine hygiene commercials always talk in euphemisms. Just once I'd like to hear a Tampax commercial start out with, "Okay. So your pussy's leakin' blood. Here are your options." Instead, what I get is white pants, women running through fields of daisies and plugging leaky boats with tampons.
I swear to God, the next time I'm on the rag, I am going to make as much noise as I can in the bathroom. I'll crinkle my tampon wrapper and just for good measure, yell, "I'm BLEEDING!" over the stall wall. I might even fake an orgasm when I put my tampon in.
To hell with whisper-quiet.
Ivan's comments: Nothing much, although I do keep pondering as to why diaper ads and sanitary pad commercials always use some nondescript blue liquid to show their absorbence. Maybe Magdelana Cruz-Ferreira, my EL1101E lecturer, was right; it's just a way to present things without grossing out the viewers. It's all in the mind...
But
Rachel has thoroughly spoiled my appetite for McDonalds' starwberry sundae; never mind, I've spoiled her taste for mayonnaise or tartar sauce anyway.
